The Bavarian Brainrot newsroom received, in the calendar month of March, approximately 142 communications addressed to the Letters to the Editor inbox. The eleven below are the eleven the Editorial Page Editor judged worthy of publication. They have been edited for length and clarity, and are reproduced here with the permission of their writers.

— Edmund Crowe

The matter of the goats.

Sir,

I have lived on Robertstown Road since 1973. The piece your reporter Mr. McAllister filed on the rooftop-goat coordination has been the subject of considerable conversation in our church group. I write to confirm only that, contrary to the impression a reader might form, my husband and I have never received any communication from the entity identified as Cooperative Coverage Properties, LLC. The arrangement with the goats predates the LLC. The arrangement, in fact, predates the building of our porch.

Cordially, Mrs. Edna Whitfield Robertstown, GA

On the millage rate.

Sir,

I read with interest your coverage of the Cleveland City Council’s 0.0142-mil adjustment. As a resident of Cleveland and a property owner of forty-one years’ standing, I write to register my appreciation for any publication that takes the operational decisions of the City Council seriously enough to file a 2,400-word article on a vote that, by your account, took twenty-six seconds.

Regards, Mr. Daniel Pemberton Cleveland, GA

Concerning the temple.

Sir,

Your coverage of the Sautee Nacoochee mound development has been forwarded to me by three separate friends. I write to indicate that, while I have no first-hand knowledge of the situation, I will be at the April 21 Sautee Nacoochee Center board meeting referenced in your piece, and I encourage other interested residents of White County to be there as well.

Sincerely, Mr. Walter Kornegay Helen, GA

On the matter of the strudel.

Sir,

My family has been buying Hofer’s strudel for three generations. We were not previously aware of the particular operating arrangement your investigation describes. I want to say only that, whatever the workforce-management questions raised by your reporting may be, the strudel remains exquisite, and we will continue to purchase it.

Best, Mrs. Helen Brunner Cleveland, GA

Re: the tubing-cartel piece.

Sir,

As a former employee (2013–2017) of one of the two firms named in your investigation of the proposed MegaTube combination, I write to confirm only that the long-standing institutional relationship between the two firms’ dispatch operations is materially closer than either firm’s public communications acknowledge. I will not say more.

Anonymous (per the writer’s request, name withheld)

A modest proposal.

Sir,

I propose, in light of the recent Bavarian Brainrot reporting on the chime-volume amendment, that the Helen Welcome Center modify the glockenspiel chime mechanism to play, at noon each day, a brief excerpt from Beethoven’s Sixth Symphony. The Sixth would, in my view, be both seasonally appropriate (it is, after all, the “Pastoral”) and tonally consistent with the Bavarian-cultural-heritage character of the downtown.

Yours, Mr. Hans Liebermann Helen, GA

On the leaf-blower decibel limit.

Sir,

Your coverage of the Clayton City Council’s 73-dB(A) leaf-blower amendment has prompted me to undertake my own research into the leaf-blower noise ordinances of every incorporated municipality in the eight-county region. I have prepared a 14-page comparative-analysis memorandum which I will, with your permission, make available to any reader who writes to me at the address below.

Mr. Charles Hardacre Demorest, GA [email protected]

On the question of the pretzel.

Sir,

I have read Gunter’s recent op-ed several times. I write to say only that I am, this Saturday, traveling to Helen specifically to purchase a salted pretzel from his cart. I will eat it slowly. I will think about the salt. He will not, I expect, recognize me. But I will, in my way, give him the recognition he asks for.

Sincerely, Mrs. Christine Apfelbaum Atlanta, GA

A correction, of sorts.

Sir,

Your coverage of the Dillard trash-route restructuring identified the City of Dillard’s public-works director only by his title. His name is Mr. Bobby Tatum. He is my brother. He has been the public-works director since 2009 and I would, on his behalf, prefer that future Bavarian Brainrot coverage of his work credit him by name.

Sincerely, Mrs. Linda Tatum-Ginsburg Clayton, GA

A general observation.

Sir,

I have been a Bavarian Brainrot subscriber since the publication’s second week. I write to say only that, in the three months since I began reading, I have learned more about the operational workings of White County government than in the preceding forty-one years of my life as a White County resident. I do not know what this says about me. I am not sure what it says about the publication. But I wanted to write it down.

Yours, Mr. Jameson Holcomb (no relation to the reporter) Cleveland, GA

A complaint.

Sir,

The Reader Verdict bar at the bottom of every article on your website asks me, after I have spent twenty minutes reading a 4,500-word investigation of a 1973 zoning variance, whether I think the article is “Verified News” or “Fake News.” I find this insulting. The article is, on its face, neither. It is a satirical investigation of a real document. I have spent twenty minutes with the satirical investigation, and I have, presumably, taken something away from it. The Verified-Fake binary does not, in my view, capture what I have just experienced.

I propose a third button: “I Have, On Reflection, Learned Something.”

Sincerely, Dr. R. T. Witherspoon, M.D. Cornelia, GA

—

The Editorial Page Editor will consider Dr. Witherspoon’s proposal at the April 18 editorial-board meeting. Letters for the May compilation may be submitted at /letters/ (premium subscribers only) or by mail to the address listed at /contact/. Submissions should be brief.

— EC