The Helen Police Department logged 47 dispatched calls between 12:00 a.m. Sunday and 11:59 p.m. Saturday, per the Department’s standing weekly public-records release, available on the City of Helen website at the link above and updated each Tuesday morning.

What follows is the Bavarian Brainrot summary of the week.

Sunday, April 5. Five calls. Three goose-related (intersections of Bruckenstrasse-and-Edelweiss; Edelweiss-and-Hauptstrasse; the eastern bank of the Chattahoochee at the Helendorf River Inn put-in). One stolen funnel cake (Helen Tubing & Waterpark concession area, recovered approximately twenty minutes later). One report of an inflatable swan loose on the Chattahoochee, referred to Cool River Tubing for retrieval.

Monday, April 6. Four calls. Two goose-related (no further detail in the log). One man-yelling-on-corner at Bruckenstrasse and Main, resolved by the man’s decision to depart of his own accord. One call from the Heidi Motel reporting an unspecified noise from the windmill, no further action taken.

Tuesday, April 7. Eight calls, the week’s busiest day. The first three were all variations on the same incident: a single individual reported wearing a leather jerkin and carrying what was variously described as “a medium-sized axe” (call 1), “a smallish hatchet” (call 2), and “a tool, possibly a hammer” (call 3) was observed walking westbound on Hauptstrasse between approximately 9:14 and 9:21 a.m. The Department dispatched a unit at 9:23 a.m. The unit, on arrival, located a 31-year-old visitor from Asheville carrying a wooden mallet purchased that morning at a downtown souvenir shop. No further action.

The remaining five Tuesday calls included: one goose; one report of an unaccompanied child at Hofer’s of Helen (resolved by reuniting the child with his parents three minutes later); one Lederhosen-from-the-Outdoor-Display theft from a Hauptstrasse retailer (Department took report; no suspect); one bear sighting in the Holiday Inn Express parking lot (no engagement); and one elaborate report of a man dressed as a Viking attempting to sell mead from a folding table on the southern end of Bruckenstrasse (Department arrived, found no Viking, no folding table, and no mead; report closed as unfounded).

Wednesday, April 8. Six calls. Two goose-related, both at the same intersection (Edelweiss-and-Bruckenstrasse) within nine minutes of each other, possibly the same goose. One additional Lederhosen-adjacent property-crime report (display-rack lederhosen pair, sized small, taken from a Bruckenstrasse retailer). One noise complaint from the Welcome Center concerning the Glockenspiel’s 12:00 noon chime (report acknowledged; no action taken). One welfare check requested by an out-of-town family member on a 78-year-old downtown resident (welfare confirmed). One report of a goose riding inside a stationary parked car on Edelweiss Strasse (the goose, on the unit’s arrival, was no longer inside the car; the car’s owner, returning to the car shortly thereafter, indicated that he had “known about the goose”).

Thursday, April 9. Three calls. One goose. One Lederhosen-adjacent property-crime report, this one a pair of Trachten suspenders. One incident at the Festhalle involving a man who wished to perform an unscheduled accordion solo and was, after a brief negotiation, persuaded to do so outside.

Friday, April 10. Seven calls, the week’s second-busiest day. Five goose-related (no further detail). One report of an individual in the Bodensee Restaurant attempting to pay a $46 dinner check with a Bavarian Brainrot business card (request denied by the establishment; no further action). One bear inside the Holiday Inn Express lobby, who was, per the Department’s narrative report, “politely asked to leave and did so without incident, taking with him a single funnel cake from the breakfast buffet.”

Saturday, April 11. Fourteen calls, all but two of which were goose-related. The two non-goose calls were a report of a tuber having become unresponsive on the Chattahoochee at the Edelweiss Strasse footbridge (separate Bavarian Brainrot coverage of that incident continues), and a report of a man attempting to rent a pedal boat at Unicoi Lake using a coupon dated 2003 (the man, on the Department’s arrival, agreed to depart).

The Department’s aggregate goose-related call volume for the week was thirteen. The five-year rolling average for the same week is fourteen-point-one. The Department, in its weekly summary, noted that this week’s goose volume was “within normal seasonal range.”

The Department’s next public log will be released Tuesday, April 13, at 9:00 a.m.