The Helen Police Department logged 43 dispatched calls between 12:00 a.m. Sunday and 11:59 p.m. Saturday, per the Department's standing weekly public-records release, available on the City of Helen website at the link above and updated each Tuesday morning.

What follows is the Bavarian Brainrot summary of the week.

Sunday, February 8. Six calls. Three goose-related (Bruckenstrasse at the pedestrian crossing near Hofer's; the Chattahoochee River Walk eastern embankment; the Nacoochee Village intersection, which is outside the Department's primary jurisdiction but which the responding unit described as warranting documentation). One welfare check on a downtown business that had not opened by its posted 10:00 a.m. hour; on the unit's arrival, the business had opened, the proprietor having overslept. One parking complaint on Edelweiss Strasse, duplicate of a Thursday complaint from the prior week, determined to involve the same vehicle, a 2019 Ford F-150 registered in Forsyth County, now resolved. One bear sighting at the doorway of a Bruckenstrasse souvenir shop at approximately 4:40 p.m.; the bear, on the unit's arrival, had departed the immediate doorway but remained visible from the parking lot; the unit documented the sighting and cleared.

The Bruckenstrasse bear sighting was the first documented bear call of February. The five-year February average through the same date is one-point-three.

Monday, February 9. Four calls. Two goose-related (both at the Edelweiss-Bruckenstrasse intersection, logged at 8:47 a.m. and again at 11:02 a.m., possibly the same goose). One noise complaint originating from a second-floor apartment above the River Street corridor, described in the call log as "sustained accordion practice, non-scheduled, pre-9:00 a.m." The responding unit confirmed the source as a 57-year-old resident of twelve years who was, per the unit's narrative report, "aware of the complaints and had believed the hour to be later than it was." The resident agreed to hold further practice until after 9:00 a.m. One abandoned shopping cart on the Chattahoochee River Walk, tagged for removal by Public Works.

Tuesday, February 10. Seven calls, the week's highest single-day volume. The first call, logged at 7:23 a.m., was a report of a complete set of men's Lederhosen -- tagged large, traditional brown, with decorative edelweiss embroidery at the bib -- missing from the outdoor display rack of a Bruckenstrasse retailer. The Department took the report under call reference 26-MAIN-12C. The retailer, speaking to Bavarian Brainrot separately this week, indicated that the display rack in question holds between four and seven items at any given time and that this was the first such loss since October.

The remaining Tuesday calls included: one goose at the intersection of Hauptstrasse and Bergstrasse; one report of a vehicle that had come to rest partially on a sidewalk on Chattahoochee Strasse (owner located at a nearby restaurant and moved the vehicle within seven minutes); one additional welfare check, this one requested by an out-of-state caller on a 71-year-old Helen resident, welfare confirmed; one report of a man distributing flyers on Bruckenstrasse for an event described in the flyers as a "Pop-Up Stein Auction" with no indicated location or contact information (the man, on the unit's arrival, had distributed all available flyers and departed); and one report of a large cardboard box blocking the entrance to a downtown parking lot, referred to Public Works.

Wednesday, February 11. Five calls. Two goose-related (separate geese; the first at the Helendorf River Inn put-in on the Chattahoochee; the second in the median of Edelweiss Strasse, where it held its position for an estimated 22 minutes before clearing on its own). One abandoned windmill component -- described in the call log as "a single vane, approximately four feet, constructed of painted fiberglass, unsecured, positioned vertically against the curb" -- on Bruckenstrasse near the Edelweiss intersection. The component was tagged for removal; it had not, per the Department's weekly summary, been claimed as of the log's Tuesday release date. One report of a group of four individuals attempting to conduct a photoshoot inside the Helen Welcome Center after closing hours (the group, arriving before the responding unit, was found to have departed). One administrative call, details not released.

The abandoned windmill vane on Bruckenstrasse was not the first such logged incident. Department records reviewed by Bavarian Brainrot show three prior windmill-component-on-public-right-of-way calls in the past 18 months. None resulted in the identification of a responsible party.

Thursday, February 12. Four calls. One goose-related (Hauptstrasse pedestrian crossing at the central Bruckenstrasse intersection; the goose was described in the call log as "stationary and non-responsive to verbal direction," which is consistent with Department documentation of this intersection's resident goose population going back to at least 2021). One individual reported walking barefoot on Bruckenstrasse in approximately 38-degree air temperature; the unit confirmed the individual, a 29-year-old visitor from Knoxville, to be in good health and in possession of footwear; the individual indicated the shoes were in his vehicle and that he "had not intended to walk this far." No further action. One administrative call, details not released. One noise complaint -- the second accordion-related dispatch of the week -- at a downtown retail corridor location; the responding unit located the source as a licensed street performer with valid documentation; complaint noted, no further action.

Friday, February 13. Nine calls. Valentine's Eve. Four goose-related (the Bodensee Restaurant parking area, twice; the pedestrian footbridge over the Chattahoochee at Edelweiss Strasse; and the sidewalk fronting the Heidi Motel, where a cluster of three geese was observed blocking the main entrance for approximately 14 minutes before dispersing). One report of a man attempting to purchase a Valentine's Day display item -- a large stuffed bear in Lederhosen -- that had not been designated for sale; the item was a store-window prop at a Hauptstrasse gift shop. The man, who was visiting from Gainesville, FL, with his wife and two children, indicated he had not seen any pricing on the item and had assumed it was available. The matter was resolved. One report of a lost child at the Hofer's of Helen parking area, resolved by parent reunion within four minutes. One vehicle with a flat tire partially blocking a Bruckenstrasse throughway; the vehicle's owner was located in an adjacent restaurant and moved the vehicle. One report of an unoccupied stroller rolling unattended down a slight grade on Edelweiss Strasse; unit arrived to find the stroller lodged against a curb, no child, stroller owner located thirty feet away; no further action. One administrative call.

Saturday, February 14. Eight calls. Valentine's Day. The Department's call volume on Saturdays in the first two weeks of February runs, per five-year data, between seven and eleven. Saturday's total of eight was consistent with seasonal norms.

The breakdown: two goose-related, both at the Chattahoochee River Walk and both logged between 6:45 a.m. and 7:12 a.m., which the Department noted in its weekly summary as "early for goose activity at that location." One report of a group of approximately 20 individuals gathered without a permit on the Bruckenstrasse pedestrian plaza for what appeared to be a flash-mob proposal; the proposal, per the responding unit's report, "appeared to be concluded" before the unit arrived; the unit photographed confetti on the pavement for the record. One report of a vehicle parked across two spaces in the Festhalle lot; owner not located; vehicle was a rental. One noise complaint from the Heidi Motel concerning the windmill area at approximately 11:40 p.m.; unit found no individuals present and no damage. One welfare check on a Chattahoochee Strasse address, welfare confirmed. One abandoned bicycle at the Nacoochee Village Road intersection, referred for standard 72-hour hold. One report of a live chicken on the sidewalk at the southern end of Bruckenstrasse; the chicken, on the unit's arrival, was not present at the reported location; call log entry notes "search area extended one block in each direction, no chicken located."

The Department's aggregate goose-related call volume for the week was eleven. The five-year rolling average for the same calendar week is twelve-point-four. The Department's weekly summary characterized the goose volume as "within expected seasonal range, slightly below the five-year midpoint."

The Department's next public log will be released Tuesday, February 17, at 9:00 a.m.

-- Connor McAllister